| The Keyboard Obituaries roll on -- Posted by Balcony on Tuesday, October 28 2003 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
 Sept. 18, 1937 - October 27 2003 There are no words...but the reasons for getting up early on weekdays was just lowered by one.
|
| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Monday, October 27 2003 | ||||||||||||||||||||||
Off to Florida with Jon Saint Germain for 4 days (or so) of mindreading bliss. Balcony, hold down the fort while I'm away.
|
| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Sunday, October 26 2003 | ||||||||||||||||||||
WELL GODDAMNIT IT'S HARD TO STAY EVIL WHEN I'M PUMPED FULL OF TRANQUILITY DRUGS!!!!!! HOWEVER IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE FACE OF EVIL THEN IT IS STILL INSIDE OF ME!! I WILL RELEASE A WAVE OF EVIL SO VILE IT WILL EARN TOP HONORS IN THE HALL OF INFAMY... *takes pills* Eh...nevermind.
|
| ...Ya don't say... -- Posted by Balcony on Sunday, October 26 2003 | ||||||||||||||||||
 Something's not right about that...Vomit is falling down on the job.
|
| God damn you death you son of a bitch! -- Posted by Balcony on Thursday, October 23 2003 | ||||||||||||||||
 1951-2003 The worlds greatest pop locker slash comedic actor died yesterday. The co-Star of What's Happenin! and What's Happenin Now! and former member of The Lockers passed away of natural causes. We'll miss you Fred ''Rerun'' Berry.
|
| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Wednesday, October 22 2003 | ||||||||||||||
Now that you are officially insane, you should do updates about your daily life, sort of like live journal of the insane! Ummm..hmmm....ok. Today I woke up around 2 in the afternoon. The new missus was coming by so I took a shower to try and hide the fact that I'm a goddamned scallawag. It didn't work though since she pointed out that I seem to have forgotten to shave and/or trim my hair in weeks. So I plopped down on the couch with her and watched Star Trek for a while. You know a girl is a keeper when she not only watches Star Trek with you but knows all the names of the characters [insert hearts floating out of head here] So after Star Trek the lovely new Mrs. Vomit says "My back is kind of sore" at which point a devil appeared on my shoulder!! He said "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! TAKE HER TO THE BEDROOM AND OFFER HER A BACKRUB!! YOU KNOW WHERE THAT LEADS!! AAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!" On my other shoulder, another devil appeared who spouted "....what he said." So I take her to the bedroom and administer the erotic massage. She stops me and says "Can we just cuddle and talk?" Most men would be enraged at this point, but I am a kind and gentle Vomit so I say "That's fine sweetheart." 10 minutes of cuddling and talking eventually led to the exchange of sexual favors anyway. So the new missus leaves to do silly things like better herself through study, as I lay in a heap of satisfied bliss. To further this grandiose feeling, I am treated to some of the finest Mexican food illegal immigrants have to offer. The 3 liters of grease and poorly cooked meat really hit the spot. So I return home and the missus calls to inform me she is unable to study due to an obsession with, well, me. So she starts talking about her day and what bothers her and stuff. This is the part where most guys say something macho like "as if I give a shit! I just wanna rip her panties off and pump her full o' my goddamned semin YEAH YEEHAWW!!!!" Well I am an insane guy, so I actually do care about how her day goes (maybe this is why I went insane?) So I listen, and offer up the advice of a madman from time to time. I get off the phone with her and notice an email from the former Mrs. Vomit. So I call her and have a polite chat with a bunch of "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME" overtones coming from each end. I like the ex-Mrs. Vomit but the bear-trap she had my balls in for years is now broken and I don't think she likes it one bit. I also don't think she fully realizes how messed up our relationship really was. I get off the phone with her. I check my email. It says I should update about my day. You know the rest.
|
| Listen to the man. -- Posted by Balcony on Monday, October 20 2003 | ||||||||||||
 - Jay Sherman I am a movie critic by trade, and until recently I got paid to tell you people which movies merely stink and which ones you shouldn't screen near an open flame. Well I'm putting the burden of lousy movies back on you. It's very simple. If you stop going to bad movies, they?ll stop making bad movies. If the movie used to be a TV show, just don't go. After Roman numeral number II, give it a rest. If it's a remake of a classic, rent the classic.[...] Tell them you want stories about people. Not a hundred million dollars of stunts and explosions. People it's up to you. If the movie stinks, just don't go. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The (2003) 29.1m What the fuck people?
|
| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Monday, October 20 2003 | ||||||||||
|
| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Saturday, October 18 2003 | ||||||||
Well I too finally went and saw this "Kill Bill" thing (for free with my old Regal card! Thanks guys!) and I think Balcony forgot to point something out (or simply didn't know). I grew up watching Bruce Lee/kung-fu flicks left and right, and HOLY COW is this movie a total parody/tribute to these movies. Every scene and storyline was classic, over-the-top, revenge ridden, martial arts packed chaos. Utilizing new movie-making techniques did make some of these scenes considerably better than the originals they were based on (although the sight of Bruce Lee thwacking ankles was really amazing for the time). Due to the neat little homages snuck into every scene, I laughed like a loon through this whole movie (much like Freddy vs Jason, but for different reasons) and everyone in the theatre looked at me as if I had just gotten out of a mental home or something (even my date). Finally I would just like to say that as much as I've tried, I can't get my body to make those cool little swoosh noises simply by moving in fast, jerky motions. I will keep trying. I can, however, make a sword sing for battle.
|
| O-Ren Ishii, Half Chinese, Half Japanese-e, Half American and oh what a species -- Posted by Balcony on Friday, October 10 2003 | ||||||
Kill Bill The Fourth Film By Quentin Tarantino Finally. After a six year absence from the world of Cinema, Quentin Tarantino has harnessed his ego, gotten off his ass, and made a film (not movie, you want movies go see Good Boy). And was it ever worth the wait. In a break from his norm this one does not center on a bunch of gangsters doin' gangster shit, but instead a soul woman out for revenge. Revenge against the group of bad ass assassins who tried to kill her on her wedding day. In fact the film starts just there. Opening with a masterful shot showing the beaten and bloodied Uma Thurman, immediatley you know the tone of this film. Quentin, feeling as though he must, immediately rockets us back and forth in time. This time, unlike Pulp, we're helped out with cards letting us know when we are. Thanks Q. But enough about the director-man, on to the meat of the flick. Uma Thurman stars as a (purposely) unnamed character. Almost like Ed Norton in Fight Club or 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper in They Live, only this time the characters name is said and bleeped to keep the mystery. Though later we get a few choices in name for her (The Bride, Black Mamba) we've yet to learn her real name. Quentin's an odd duck sometimes. Anyway, back to Uma. Her performance as an ass kicking blonde with a sword is near perfect. A few times I actually thought to myself 'Was that the same Uma Thurman that was in that horrible Cowgirl movie who did that?' I guess that's why actors act. Lucy Liu and Vivica A. Fox are also spectacular in their parts, but I won't go too deep in to why for fear of spoilers. Much of Sonny Chibas dialogue is in Japanese, so I can't possibly grade him at all. We only see a snippet of Michael Madsen and Daryl Hannah, and I don't believe David Carradine appears fully on screen so there judgements come later. Sadly Miramax, in their infinite wisdow, has decided to take the four hour epic that was filmed, and cut it into two two hour sections. In doing so the end of the film leaves you both disappointed (IT'S OVER?! THE FUCK!?) and wanting more (How long until February again? That long, eh?) However there's a second, and very bad, problem with the splitting. One I don't think anyone really thought about beforehand, and that's the character development. The movie being a pretty straight forward revenge flick there's not a whole lot of the 'Well why would she do that?' going on that there would be in a more drama based movie, but since this is Tarantino the movie is very character driven. Since it's centered on the one character we're with the entire time we get to know her fairly well. but since it WAS four hours and is now two that makes the end the half way point. The half way point is generally when characters begin to get familiar. So just as you begin to know The Bride, this half's ending. Luckily that shouldn't ruin the movie so much as be a slight inconvience to be rectified in February. This is very hard to do without spoilers and feels only half complete but I don't know what more I can say without ruining the movie. OH! The anime sequence! When I first learned about an anime sequence being put into the movie I was very skeptical. Very. Yet, shocking no one, Quentin used it very well to tell a part of the story he more than likely couldn't tell correctly with actors even if he tried. It's done in the japanese anime style, and it's beautiful. Sooo...to sum up...go see Kill Bill. Now. 3&1/2 stars out of 4 4&1/2 out of 5 9&1/4 out of 10.
|
| Top of the world Ma! -- Posted by Balcony on Tuesday, October 7 2003 | ||||
 God I love Football.
|
| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Saturday, October 4 2003 | ||
The Second Coming by William Butler Yeates Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon cannot hear the falconer; Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity. Surely some revelation is at hand; Surely the Second Coming is at hand. The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert A shape with lion body and the head of a man A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun, Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds. The darkness drops again; but now I know That twenty centuries of stony sleep Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle, And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
|
| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Friday, October 3 2003 |
oh so i see you gone insane! hahahaha i guess i would to if i was a rangers fan!!! maybe that fag mark messer can queer off with you and make you feel better about losing your ugly ass gf and house!! I know who you are and can find you. Let me tell you something: everything that used to keep me fairly sane is gone. No job, no friends, no missus, no home, no money, no posessions. Nothing is left that used to make me avoid getting angry. I am ripe and primed for vengence. The penalty for assault is 48 hours in jail, well worth it in my opinion. And you can bring all the nifty weapons you like, since I enjoy pain. I hurt myself for fun all the time. The sight of my own blood makes me laugh and giggle like a loon. The last fight I was in I asked the person to punch me in the face repeatedly because it felt so good and I laughed after every punch. So you just sleep tight up there in Warren, NJ and I'll tuck this information away in my wallet. Because at some point in my life, my travels WILL bring me there. And you better pray that I'm either drugged into submission or locked away in an asylumn again, because as of now I am no longer sane in any sense of the word and it feels GOOD.
|