You know what I can't wait for? I can't wait for my nephew to turn about two years old so I can run out and buy him just a fuckton of DUPLO blocks (the kiddie LEGO brand. They're bigger, no swallowing, you know.) so I can chill with him and just build random crap for hours on end.
The little dude's a genius, I'm tellin' you. He's just reaching two months and he's already scooting across the couch and trying to crawl over your shoulder. Brilliant!
That is all.
(This is me just killing time until Survivor Series goes up...which it just did)
| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Friday, November 25 2005 | ||||||||||||||
 NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! COME BACK!!!!! PLEASE!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
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| The biggest gift will be from me -- Posted by BalconyDive on Thursday, November 24 2005 | ||||||||||||
Best. News story. Ever. The Golden Girls (Bea Arthur, Betty White & Rue McClanahan) caused a riot in a New York book store signing their Season Three DVD. I swear to God, I love it. Look for a real (read: emo) update some time over the weekend. I feel like crying on my keyboard.
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| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Saturday, November 19 2005 | ||||||||||
 SHATNER TO SELL KIDNEY STONEPop culture icon and mirror-universe emporer William Shatner is hoping to sell his recently passed kidney stone on ebay. Shatner states somewhat accurately that the stone will become "the ultimate piece of Star Trek memorabilia". Shatner plans to give the proceeds of the sale to charity, but he has to cut through ebay red tape first--the website's rules are strict about the sale of body parts. The Shatman passed the stone last month on the set of Boston Legal, horrifying Star Trek fans with a visit to the hospital.
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| That's about one of the most destructive things I've ever done -- Posted by BalconyDive on Tuesday, November 15 2005 | ||||||||
Dave Barry posted one of the greatest things ever today, so I'm linking it.
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| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Saturday, November 12 2005 | ||||||
 STAR TREK GURU MICHAEL PILLER DIESMichael Piller, "Star Trek" veteran and co-creator/executive producer of USA Network's hit series "The Dead Zone," died early Tuesday at his Los Angeles home after a long battle with cancer. He was 57. Before co-creating "The Dead Zone" with his son Shawn, Piller was head writer on "Star Trek: The Next Generation," leading the show to a best drama Emmy nomination in 1994, the first for a syndicated series. He went on to co-create the following two "Trek" installments, "Deep Space Nine" and "Voyager." Both series ran for seven seasons. In 1998, Piller wrote and co-produced "Star Trek: Insurrection," the ninth installment in Paramount Pictures' successful Star Trek feature franchise. Mmmmkay that's the Yahoo blurb, which doesn't really do much justice to what Michael Piller really meant to Star Trek. When Gene Roddenberry died, Michael Piller stepped up and sort of filled his role, which was fortunate. At Paramount, there are "the good guys" and then there are "the bad guys." The good guys are the people that, in my opinion, understand what Star Trek is really about, why it has become so important to so many people and what it takes to continue to evolve the Star Trek universe. Michael Pillar was definitely one of these people. After Roddenberry passed away, Piller carried on his vision of Trek. I can say with great confidence that much of the success of Star Trek was due to Michael Piller. For that we as fans all thank, admire and will dearly miss him. And ok, another thing. Yes, I knew George Takei (Sulu) has come out of the closet and admitted he's gay. I also know that this was common knowledge in Trek circles for a long time and I don't give a damn. "San Francisco...I was born there." Sulu keeps it real!
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| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Wednesday, November 9 2005 | ||||
GREAT MOMENTS IN SPORTS HISTORY: MMCW'S MOST OFFENSIVE MATCH It's good to stroll down memory lane and see where all the rotten karma I'm suffering through came from... Tony: Hello folks and welcome to this---What?? I'm getting something on my headset here.... Headset: You're fired. Get out of the booth. Tony: WHA???? *Kim Ross appears and strolls down the aisle* Tony: *sniff* WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THIS!! *prances off* *Ross sits down and takes the mic* KR: Howdy folks, this is good ol' KR here and we're gonna be bringing you a special MMCW match. I'm joined by my good pal Bone Cold Steve Houston. Houston: How the hell are ya? KR: Just fine, thanks. Let's get this match started. *some shity music hits and out runs the 123 Kid* KR: Um.......it's the 123 Kid. Houston: What in the hell kind of match is this gonna be? KR: Well let's see who his opponent is.... *some shittier music hits and out walks Aldo Montoya* KR: Eh......it's Aldo Montoya. Houston: This match couldn't draw flies if it were covered in cow shit. KR: Well the bell rings and I guess this will be an oldfashioned spitslinger.......GOOD GOD!!!!! THE AIRPLANES OF JOHN DENVER AND JFK JR. JUST SLAMMED THROUGH THE ROOF!!!! GOD WHAT A WRECK!!! THEIR DEAD BODIES ARE VISIBLE TO THIS CAPACITY CROWD!! Houston: GODDAMN!!! KR: The wrestlers are stunned but now they continue to grapple.....SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!!!! DALE EARNHARDT JUST SLAMMED THROUGH THE WALL OF THE ARENA!!! OH SHIT AND ADAM PETTY JUST REAR-ENDED HIM!!! HOLY JAYZUS IN HEAVEN BOTH CARS JUST BURST INTO FLAMES!!! Houston: This crowd's lovin' it! KR: They sure are as nobody is paying attention to this match which continues on.....JERRY GARCIA IS COMING DOWN THE AISLE!!! HERE COMES JOEY RAMONE!!! WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?? Houston: Beats the hell outta me. KR: OH GOD THEY JUST FELL OVER DEAD!!! WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?! HERE COMES JOHN LENNON!! HE'S RUNNING TO THEIR AID!! Houston: Heh, fuckin' hippy! KR: JOHN LENNON HAS BEEN SHOT!!! WHO THE HELL SHOT HIM?!?!?! IT'S LEE HARVEY OSWALD!! HE'S IN THE RAFTERS!! Houston: Well get tha sonofabitch down! KR: OH SWEET JESUS!!! JACK RUBY JUST SHOT LEE HARVEY OSWALD!!! JACK RUBY IS DANCING AROUND LIKE A MADMAN!!!! WHAT COULD HAPPEN NEXT?!?!?! Houston: I dunno but this crowd is going nuts, and the damned match in the ring seems to have stopped. KR: Both wrestlers are watching along with this audience this odd display of----OH MY HOLY HELL!!!! THE SPACE SHUTTLE CHALLENGER JUST SLAMMED THROUGH THE ROOF AND EXPLODED!!! JACK RUBY AND THE ASTRONAUGHTS ARE DEAD!!! IT'S RAINING FIRE ON THESE FANS AND THEY LOVE IT!!! Houston: AH SHIT I GOT BURNT!!! KR: Watch yourself there---PRINCESS DI JUST SLAMMED INTO THE WRECKAGE OF DALE EARNHARDT AND ADAM PETTY!!!!! OH MY GOD!! HER FACE WAS SPLATTERED EVERYWHERE!!! AWWWW JEEZ AND SAM KINNESON JUST SLAMMED INTO THE PILE!! GOOD GOD!! Houston: I have never seen....what is this under our table.... KR: OH GOD!!! IT'S THE BODY OF MICHAEL JORDAN'S DAD!!! OH GOD, GET THIS OUT OF HERE!! GODDAMNIT!! WAHT'S NEXT?!?!?! OH SWEET MOTHER OF HEAVEN!!! OWEN HART JUST FELL OUT OF THE SKY SOMEHOW AND SLAMMED THROUGH THE RING!!! BODYPARTS CAME FLYING UP IN ALL DIRECTIONS!!! Houston: LOOK!!!! KR: ANDRE THE GIANT IS HERE!!! HE'S HERE!! HERO TO MILLIONS!!! *Andre falls over dead* KR: GODDAMNIT!!!! GOOD GOD DAMNIT!!! WILL SOMEBODY PUT AN END TO ALL THIS?? HERE COMES THE ENTIRE VON ERICH FAMILY!!! THEY ALL FELL OVER DEAD!!! HERE COME'S MACK'S GRANDFATHER AND HIS SIBLINGS!! GOOD LORD THEY JUST ALL SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE HEAD!! HERE COMES KURT COBAIN AND TUPAC!! THEY JUST SHOT EACH OTHER IN THE HEAD!!! HERE COMES JOHN F KENNEDY AND ABE LINCOLN DOING A DANCE!!!! GOOD GOD THEY WERE JUST SHOT!!! HERE COME METALLICA!! THEY WERE JUST SHOT!! Houston: Wait, they're not dead in real life! KR: But we can keep hoping.... Houston: *opens a beer* KR: Well things are silent now, I wonder if that means this has all ceased?? Wait---THE GROUND IS OPENING UP!!! SATAN HAS APPEARED!!! HE'S GOT A TOP-HAT AND A TUX ON!!! JOSEPH STALIN, ADOLF HITLER AND GENGIS KHAN HAVE APPEARED BEHIND SATAN!! THEY APPEAR TO BE......BACKUP SINGERS??? *Satan burst into song* Satan: When you're feelin' low, And you wanna see some death, where's the one place you can go? Backup Singers: MMCW!!! MMCW!!! MMCW!!!! Satan: That's right! I say, when you're feelin' down, and you just can't get up, where can you see retards drown? Backup Singers: MMCW!!! MMCW!!! MMCW!!!! Satan: You better beleve it! Whenever I don't feel able, and I feel not so evil, I just turn on the cable! Backup Singers: MMCW!! MMCW!!! MMCW!!!! KR: JESUS CHRIST IS FLOATING DOWN FROM HEAVEN!!!!! HE'LL PUT A STOP TO THIS!!! Jesus: Begone vile Demon!! You and MMCW corrupt the world with you dastardly ways!!! Satan: BWAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA!!!! *points to the back* KR: CHARLES DARWIN HAS APPEARED!!!! HE'S POINTING AT JESUS AND SPOUTING OUT COMMON SENSE AND LOGIC!!! JESUS IS DISAPPEARING!!! Satan: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Darwin: Oh, don't think you're safe!! KR: DARWIN IS SPOUTING HIS COMMON SENSE AT SATAN!!! SATAN IS DISAPPEARING!!! Houston: HOLY SHIT LOOK!! KR: OH MY DEAR GOD!!! THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION JUST LANDED ON DARWIN!!! CHARLES DARWIN HAS BEEN KILLED BY SCIENCE!! OH SHIT IT'S RAINING JAPANESE KAMIKAZE FIGHTERS!!! OH MY DEAR SWEET LORD--- *arena collapses*
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| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Wednesday, November 9 2005 | ||
 WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH SPAM EMAIL THESE DAYS??Seriously....what the fuck are they wanting me to buy or do here?? Do those gardners regret walking carefully?. 1. The librarians don't remember skiing for more than an hour.. Did those bus drivers regret singing?. Toren came to me at age 32 months. He had 2 words: Ma Ma and Bye Bye. He could not focus, but ran around the room. His mother was convinced I was going to have him cured by his third birthday. I told her I was no miracle worker, but we'd do what we could during the next 4 months. Immediately we started structuring Toren's day. I went home and worked up a program called 'Toren's Nouns'. The first day I showed Toren the program, he looked at it for 10-15 seconds and then left the computer. The next day he stayed about 30 seconds. Each day he built up more time at the computer. By the second week, he would sit on my lap for 10 minutes pressing whichever word he wanted to hear. But he spoke no sounds, no words. Three weeks passed. I began berating myself. 'See, Jo, you thought this noun program was so great. Look at Toren, he's not learning anything.' The fourth week Toren walked over to the computer, picked up the overlay from the IntelliKeys keyboard, pointed to 10 different words and approximated each word. That day, I cried.. Lawrence had already liked dancing.. today i need to goto the store. . lets goto mcdonalds soon. we can get a hamburger or too.. Have you practiced jumping yet?. Did Anthony miss running?. Donna's daughter hasn't practiced playing yet.. Did Alfred's niece like playing well?. Joseph has just remembered walking.. Thank you, Stefan Stephan
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| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Friday, November 4 2005 |
 DEVILS FANS FINALLY EXPOSEDFinally the rest of the hockey world is seeing one of the true joys that Rangers fans have been marvelling at for years: Devils "fans." Every single one of the 23 Devil fans that exist in this world are horrible. Known for having the hockey knowledge of a grape, the average Devils fan cannot tell you the difference between icing and offsides, and will go on to tell you that grabbing a player by his jersey and hauling him down is the definition of great defensive play. Their fans cannot even be bothered to come up with original chants. They stole the Rangers "Potvin Sucks" chant and modified it to "Rangers Suck." They've also borrowed the popular "Make the Playoffs" chant from the rest of the NHL. But these chants to little good against the Rangers when over half of their own arena is filled with Rangers fans. How can you have your biggest rivals in the building, not sell out, and have the opposing teams fans take up about 3/4 of the building? They can't even sell out playoff games, even when they go to the finals!  So the NHL has re-vamped its rules to make the game better for fast skating, skilled players & teams. And low-and-behold, the Devils suck. Their defense sucks, their offense sucks, their adulterous goalie sucks. And boy has it ever been raining amazing torrents of whining and excuses since. Even their coach, Larry Robinson, is getting in on the act. After tonights latest stomping by the Rangers, he said "I'd like to see their players in front of the net like that with the old rules." Well Larry, I'd like to make the rules retroactive and see how many cups you're garbage-pale team would have won. Answer=zero. And you would have even less than the 23 fans you have now.The coaches complaining are the ones who just don't have the talent on their rosters to play in the new NHL. -Barry Melrose Sometimes I post things from the devilsrule.com messageboards here. Its usually some half-witted Messier/Rangers insult. I think I'll post a few things again: im not watchin hockey ever agian, this whole new nhl offense, penalty every minute hockey is BULLSHIT, teams lie the rangers destroyed the nhl and now they thrive in what they always wanted offense, hockey is dead, and so are the teams that mad it fun to watch like the devils -------------------- im about to just give up on this team; seriously -------------------- I'm giving up too, its been hard, but I've stayed loyal thus far. If they don't win tonight, I give up. -------------------- this team is a goddamn joke..... -------------------- This new NHL is like watching a friggin NBA game. -------------------- the new rules suck ass the shootout is retarted and a fucken penelty every 3 minutes.... let the guys play the game. I like watching defense. I like low score games high scoring games suck so anyone who wants more offensive games can go kiss my ass --------------------- these new NHL rules SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is garbage, you can barely touch anyone before you get a stupid penalty. The scoring is outragous, I want the old NHL back so NJ can go back to its defensive style and win some games. We should not be losing to Carolina and the freaking Penguins. I hope the NHL is happy I am sure they have picked up almost no new fans with these rules and will lose dozens of those that liked the sport the way it was. ---------------------- Lookin' good, Devils fans!
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