So it has come to pass that after I built a home for my Lord & Master, Alfred, that I have taken a rather large interest in woodworking. Almost immediately upon completion of the project, I thought up about 10 other things for myself and my stepfather to try our hand at. We learned a lot doing Alfred's cage, which was infinitely complex in design and yet extremely simplistic in physical form. Thus I concluded that a fish tank stand for my girlfriends tank would be a simple undertaking. And it was, if by "simple undertaking" you mean a foray into a soul-sucking oblivion of measurement mistakes and sawdust in the eyes.
The project was twofold: first we would make the table and then the hutch to go over it. The table went by slowly but, we were very happy with its final appearance:
Cool, I can live with that! Now onto making the hutch! I wanted this furniture's purpose to have a dual purpose as both a fish tank area and something that Overlord Alfred could climb on and rule my life from. Thus I concluded that the sides needed to have something on them suitable for an iguana to climb. I sure didn't want to tack on some chicken wire or anything like that, thus this was the solution:
I let my girlfriend Jess design and cut out these shapes which keep the fish theme but more importantly allow King Alfred to scale the sides with all the grace of an average iguana (see: falling in the floor randomly for not reason).
The top of the hutch also had to be a place suitable for Lord Alfred to oversee his domain, and this means having a place to clamp a heat light for him. I decided I would put some sort of decorative headboard for this purpose, and was very happy with how it turned out:
Ok! So after about a week of 9 hour days, the hutch is finished and is in my house. Time to put it all together and look at the fruits of my labor! However, something did not quite go right. Perhaps you can locate my fatal error:
Ummm.....what the fuck? It doesn't fit over the fish tank?? IT DOESN'T FIT OVER THE FUCKING FISH TANK????
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME & MY LIFE IS SPIRALLING DOWNWARD
I looked back over my measurements. I knew the tank was 30 inches across and I designed the hutch to be 32 inches across, for a nice snug fit. And hey you know what? The hutch is 32 inches across on the nose. However the space the tank fits into is only 29 inches across. All my countless hours of work can be summed up into two little words: design flaw.
Anyway, after I went on a massive rampage and was arrested by the Roman authorities, I had this conversation:
Preach on, Jesus. Preach on.
| Did you find any other prints besides out perps? -- Posted by BalconyDive on Tuesday, April 18 2006 | ||||||||
Who was the genius in Starfleet (read: behind Star Trek) who got rid of the skirt style uniform? Even bad episodes of Next Generation (Sub Rosa) would have been watchable with copious shots of Crusher & Trois panties in the same way as we see Yeoman Rands & Uhuras. I can't believe the amont of Star Trek I've been watching recently, and thus the amount of time I've spent on Memory Alpha. 
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| That's my Sierra Mist! -- Posted by BalconyDive on Sunday, April 9 2006 | ||||||
What happened to Chuck D? I remember when I was a kid just about every word Chuck D said seemed to be dripping with brilliance and enlightenment, but now...not so much. Not long ago (well, I guess it has to be a while ago) I saw him on Tough Crowd on Comedy Central. It was "liberals" day with a bunch of the Air America cats on there and, if memory serves, he didn't say a single word. Today I'm watching him on The Henry Rollins Show on IFC and...he's talking but not saying anything. So, is it that when I was a kid I was impressed by his nothing speak? Have I grown up and changed my thought process so much that I now see him as just not saying anything? I don't think so, because Nation Of Millions is still a brilliant album with awesome lyrics and still says something, so maybe he's just gotten lazy. I don't know what it is but it's killing me. And speaking of Henry Rollins...what the hell happened to this guy? When he started doing stand up (and it is stand up, not spoken word) he was just a guy who had lived a life and some funny stuff happened and now he was going to tell you about it. But his last thing that aired on IFC was appauling in its egotistical nonsense. We all know Wal*Mart is evil, but jesus christ the entire Mid West is not here to be mocked by Mr. fucking Washington DC. Oh my! He saw fat women at Wal*Mart! Hilarious! They're fat because they shop at Wal*Mart! Ha! Whatever, fuck all that noise. Go back to being funny with hints of political whateverness, not the other way around.
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| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Friday, April 7 2006 | ||||
 NEW YORK RANGERS BACK IN THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS!
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| Not just one random interchangeable joke after another! -- Posted by BalconyDive on Friday, April 7 2006 | ||
I like bad movies. No, I love bad movies. But let me qualify that statement; the bad movies I like aren't the type that MST3K used to run (though I do love MST3K), they're the movies that are just plain lame. The kind that have real actors who are then embarassed by them later in life. Now I believe that a great many people enjoy bad movies, but not on the level I do. You see, I don't enjoy them in the camp "This is so bad!" way. I actually enjoy these movies. There may be some bad wiring in my head to cause this or I may just have bad taste. Not sure. Either way the level of enjoyment I get out of these movies is...insane. I can't think of another word to describe it. It's something that I may need to seek help for. You see, this morning, after looking fruitlessly for somewhere to send a resume off to, I checked through my DVRs cable guide to look for something to watch before the dogs made me let them out and I came across one of my favorite bad movies and I got way too excited by it. Not only that, but on another channel just a little later was another just horrible movie on. Seeing both of these movies nearly killed me. What to watch? Life with Mikey or The Associate?! To me this was like deciding between Citizen Kane and Rear Window. If not for the fact that my DVR has two tuners I'd have lost my mind. Uh. That's all. This was almost a sensible post but the drugs have addled my brain and it turned to sheer insanity.
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| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Sunday, April 2 2006 |
 V FOR VENDETTA...GOOD STUFF HOLLYWOOD!Growing up, I had a habit of digging through my father's comic collection. One day, when I was about 8 I came across V For Vendetta and was blown away by it (although I was too young to really understand most of it). So it comes to pass that Hollywood, desperate for material, has been going through old comics for ideas. For the most part, Hollywood fails at converting comics to movies. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was crap (compared to the comic at least). Batman movies were a fucking abomination (apart from the latest Batman Begins). So I was a little apprehensive when I noticed that they had made V For Vendetta into a film. However, like all comic movies I felt strangely compelled to go see it and thus I did. Imagine my surprise when I observed the story and characters were stunningly recreated with excellent faithfulness. Actually, some aspects were improved upon. While there were certain details left out that I really would have liked to have been included, really all-in-all this is not only the best comic book movie ever, but one of the best films to come out in years. (Balcony, it rivals Kill Bill volume 1). Go see it or BE DESTROYED! 
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