June 2004

-- Posted by OtterVomit on Saturday, June 19 2004

VOMIT GOES BACK TO WORK Starting Monday the world of port-a-potties gets a new ally. That's right, all my professional experience and skills have lead me straight to this prestigious field of mobile crappers. At least I'm working in a cushy office area and not actually touching these things... OTHER THINGS BALCONY CAN EXPECT FROM ANTI-DEPRESSANTS I see he already has experienced the rekindling of an interest in ICP (don't worry, it goes away), but I also noticed a renewed interest in lots of things I hadn't cared about in years such as sex with underaged girls and booze. Actually what Mr. Dive can probably look forward to is: -Constant drowsiness combined with constant insomnia (yes they CAN go together!!) -Strange flashes of vertigo. -Waking up with a mouth as parched as the Sahara. -Strange sexual side effects (not that he has a chance of experiencing this!!!! ZING!!!!! BURNED!!!! OWN3D!!! DISStroyed!!!!! ECT!!!!!) -Dissappointment that pills, in fact, do not solve all of life's problems. -Development of morals and other strange feelings. -Breaking down and crying in front of a bar full of complete strangers over Mark Messier's last NHL game. Well.....maybe not him. WEIRD BEARDS BEHEAD ANOTHER ...and we're the one's abusing our prisoners??

w00t! -- Posted by Balcony on Thursday, June 17 2004

I feel I must share this with as many people as possible. I got spam from Ms. Pac-Man! Yes, that Ms. Pac-Man. Maybe everyones favourite dot eating heroes have fallen on hard times, maybe they're just looking for extra cash to buy a house or something. Either way here's exactly what I got for proof, and here is where it went to: I rock, this is proof.

-- Posted by OtterVomit on Tuesday, June 15 2004

10 years removed today.

Sometimes even I worry about me -- Posted by Balcony on Monday, June 14 2004

I've actually been gone for a week. Like gone gone. Not just being lazy and not updating. I'm back though! So rock on! Where was I you ask? Why I was at a rehab hospital doing therapy shit. Ironically, they started me on new drugs. This is only ironic when you realize just how quickly I get hooked on drugs. Apparently hating everything and everyone and constantly wishing the world would explode isn't normal. That and the suicidal thoughts and the headaches and the not sleeping and stuff seem to be the calling cards of depression. Who knew? I think I scared the 'psychiatrist' I saw when I was there. She kinda slowed her speech to a crawl when I told her I tend to think 'I hate my life' at least once a day. She also tried to get me to stop re-reading Catcher In The Rye (she said it's depressing...I love that book...) until I told her the only other book I brought with me was book one of Dantes Inferno. Now I have to go see another one so they can keep me from killing myself or something. Whatever, I say if I haven't done it yet I probably won't. On the plus side they say zoloft should start working in like...2 weeks. I've been taking it for four so I would guess in about 10 days from today I should be happy. Let's all count together. Although this website now says 4 weeks. So...let's split the difference and see if I still hate you in 3 weeks. I didn't mean to write that whole rant. I actually meant to write this next thing but got side tracked. This part probably won't be nearly as cool as it was in my head though. BD's wild hospital stay, by the numbers! 7 - days in the hospital 1 - annoying room mate who played Xbox until midnight 1 - time I had a wicked panic attack that caused me to go sit in the bathroom on the floor and rock back and forth while Tom Waits sang me a song about hookers and drug abuse 2 - times I fell asleep listening to my DJ, hit the 'voice record' button and got to listen to myself sleep the next morning. That shit's weird by the way. 1 - Super fucking hot Indian (dots, not feathers) girl doing admissions who I only saw once but fell deeply in love with. She had wicked dark skin and a nose piercing, and an ass crafted by Zeus himself. She was like...GoGo hot. If she had a weapon instead of a clipboard I would have proposed marriage. ungodly amount - not hot nurses 2 - hot nurses 1 - hot nurse willing to flirt back with me 0 - hot nurses willing to have sex with me ~5 - edible meals 2 - episodes of Last Comic Standing I watched 4 - people I tried to explain Tom Waits' music too. 0 - people who seemed to understand 1 - Excellent hockey game I got to watch the Bolts win. 4 - times Ktik updated which I now have to read. 3 - days I watched Ronald Reagan shit on tv 4 - days I had to call home and see if my grades from last quarter came 3 - classes I graduated 2 - A's I got 1 - C I got where I should have gotten an F freakin' minus 1 - teacher I probably have to give head to now 0 - sense any of this makes 1 - drug I'm on as I type this and will now blame all of this on Alright then. Beautiful. Now I have a confession to make to...the two of you reading this. The entire time I was in the hospital I couldn't stop thinking about fucking ICP and Twiztid. I don't know why. I haven't listened to either of them since...a long time ago. But as soon as I got home yesterday I ripped 4 ICP CDs and have been listening to them constantly. (Riddlebox, Ringmaster, Bazzar & Baazar). They're not like...good or anything. Just kinda...addicting. I can't find my Twiztid CDs though. I need to find a torrent or something to get Freakshow. I'll probably end up ripping more ICP later and filling the empty space on my DJ with it. Then I'll kill myself. And leave a note blaming the Zoloft. When I do that...someone get in here and delete this so my family can sue pfizer and get rich. Rich as kings! I think I need a haircut. After IIHOKII cut his I felt like cutting mine. I'm a follower like that. Mine's longer though. I should take a picture. Well, I need to copy shit for the Swiss Ninja because I've owed it to him for well over a month now. And I really need to end this update. God I'm lazy. Juggalo For Life bitch!

-- Posted by OtterVomit on Saturday, June 5 2004

For those of you who continue to deny my affiliations with Starfleet, I say BEHOLD MY PHONE CALL FROM JAMES KIRK!!!

-- Posted by OtterVomit on Saturday, June 5 2004

VOMIT RETURNS FROM THE DEAD WITH NEWS OF THE REAPER BEING BAD AGAIN....RONALD REAGAN CLOSE TO DEATH Former President Ronald Reagan's medical condition has suddenly worsened (which frankly I didn't know was possible). "He really took a downslide today," an insider said Friday evening. "Doctors are at the house. Things aren't good." At the start of the day, several news organizations chased down a rumor that the ex-president had died, but it wasn't true... Family members gathered at the Reagan's Bel Air home late Friday...Guess he may be gone by the time you read this. MAN IN BULLDOZER GOES ON WONDERFUL, SKULLCRUSHING RAMPAGE A 52-year-old welder nursing a grudge against the town fathers and driving a bulldozer converted into a war machine ripped the heart of the high-country ranching town of Granby from its foundations Friday. Among the structures destroyed or heavily damaged in a relentless 90-minute rampage were Granby's town hall and library, a bank, the town's newspaper, an electric cooperative building, Gambles Store, an excavating business and a house owned by the town's former mayor, as well as a concrete plant adjacent to the business of the man believed responsible for the bizarre assault. Police fired away during the frenzy of destruction, to no avail. "He's put armored plates all around it and it's impenetrable," said business owner Terri Hertel, her voice trembling as gunfire rattled in the background. "Armor- piercing bullets won't go through it. He's destroying the town of Granby." During Heemeyer's nightmarish attack, he shot repeatedly at a number of huge propane tanks at a distributorship with a .50-caliber weapon, authorities said. The apparent attempt to trigger a massive explosion failed. The episode came to an end about 4:30 p.m. Friday, when Heemeyer's self-styled assault vehicle came to a halt in the attack on Gambles Store and was cornered by emergency responders driving a road grader. It was not immediately known if Heemeyer was still alive inside the vehicle. Unofficial reports said he had welded the vehicle's door shut. Jim Holahan, director of emergency services for Grand County, said at one point deputies from the sheriff's special response team were on top of the 53.8-ton Caterpillar D9 Bulldozer, firing at Heemeyer through its jury-rigged viewport. Remarkably, authorities said, no injuries among townspeople were reported in the incident.

This is why we do drugs -- Posted by Balcony on Saturday, June 5 2004

JimmY DirtnaP: NEW HARRY POTTER TODAY DUDE! balcony DIvE: w00t! JimmY DirtnaP: *imaginary thumbs down* balcony DIvE: I can't wait! balcony DIvE: kids! magic! limeys! AWESOME! JimmY DirtnaP: you want to do that little girl, that's all balcony DIvE: she'll be hot one day balcony DIvE: after she gets boobs JimmY DirtnaP: if she was an underground punk skank she'd be hot. otherwise, i'm not optimistic balcony DIvE: but she's getting rich as a kid which means soon she'll be a heroin addict and then poor then punk JimmY DirtnaP: score! balcony DIvE: like drew barrymore before she got rich again JimmY DirtnaP: she was pretty hot in the strung out playboy shoot days balcony DIvE: exactly! JimmY DirtnaP: the brilliance never ceases to stun and amaze me. i demand this portion of the conversation be posted on KC for the world (hak and mack) to read.