July 2006

Billy Drago is Tex Hex -- Posted by BalconyDive on Thursday, July 27 2006

It is just me?

-- Posted by OtterVomit on Saturday, July 22 2006

ITS GETTING TOO EASY TO MAKE FUN OF THE ISLANDERS Remember that movie Major League where the owner of Cleveland Indians knowingly works against the success of the team? Of course you do (if you don't then go back to whatever planet you came here from). It seems the Islanders are seriously adopting this strategy. Islanders owner Charles Wang (the latest in a long line of embarrasing Islander owners) surprised the hockey world this week by firing newly hired General Manager Neil Smith only 40 days after hiring him. Smith's record of 0-0-0 apparently wasn't good enough! If this wasn't bad enough, only hours later it was announced that Islander backup goalie Garth Snow would be his replacement. Hey, sounds good! Let's fire a Stanley Cup winning GM and replace him with our backup goalie! The Islanders, who haven't won a playoff series since 1993, are clearly on their way back to another dynasty! It doesn't end there. An ESPN article came out today revealing that Charles Wang is seriously considering sending scouts to Japan with the purpose of scouting sumo wrestlers with the idea of turning them into NHL goaltenders. You can't even make this stuff up! I like to dog Islander fans, but I am actually feeling kind of bad for them. They build up a team that probably could make some waves and then Mike Milbury trashes that. They get rid of Milbury, and now this starts up. Unreal. UPDATE Charles Wang has now suggested to his hockey club that players who are known for fighting be sent to anger management courses. The hits just keep comin'...

-- Posted by OtterVomit on Sunday, July 16 2006

PARAMOUNT RECASTING JAMES T. KIRK So it seems after Paramount tried their damnedest to kill off Star Trek with the ill-conceived Enterprise and the laughable Next-Generation Movies, that they've decided to fall back on their most bankable character, James Tiberius Kirk. Paramount recently signed Hollywood bigwig J.J. Abrams to a multi-picture deal, the first of which is a new Star Trek feature which is supposed to take place during the Kirk-era. Rumors have run rampant that the story will revolve around Kirk at Starfleet Academy where he meets a young Spock blah blah blah. Rumors have also run rampant that Matt Damon is the frontrunner for the coveted Kirk role. First off let me say that there was a time when the idea of re-casting James Kirk was absolutely out of the question. However, the excellent work of New Voyages has caused me to maybe consider the possibility. One thing is for certain: the right guy has to play Kirk and I don't think Matt Damon is that guy. The problem with re-casting the character of Kirk is that you are not simply re-casting a character, you are also recasting William Shatner. William Shatner is a very rare type of actor who can completely overact a part but make it brilliant while doing so. For an academy award winning actor to try and duplicate this would simply melt their brain. "What do you mean I need to deliver this line badly???" For this reason I am hoping they find somebody like a young Bruce Campbell who is excellent at both ham acting and actual acting. As for the story itself, I hate the academy idea. I hate the idea of Star Trek going in the direction of Star Wars where everybody's stories always intertwine with everyone else's. We don't need a story about a young Kirk & Spock meeting outside of the Enterprise. I would much rather see a story based on the Enterprise. The original 60's TV show ran for 3 seasons of a 5 year mission. The Animated Series could count as a 4th year although Paramount claims TAS is not cannon (assholes). That still leaves a good ammount of space for a story set in the original 5 year mission, and that's what I as a fan would like to see. And hey, no bullshit like updating the sets to look more "modern" please. The original series bridge is still the most functional (not to mention visually appealing) bridge ever seen.

Today's secret word is "suck" -- Posted by BalconyDive on Friday, July 14 2006

Another day, another reason to contemplate suicide. I drove (rode, passenger, don't ask) almost two hours in terrible traffic in +90º heat for a "job fair" at some company. Which company doesn't matter. I got there and was supposed to have an appointment through the school but guess what! None! That's cool, they do Walk-Ins, so I sit and fill out an application. And wait. And wait. And wait. Finally I'm called "back" (into the cafeteria!) for my "interview". Then I choked. We started with tech questions, and on the first question I drew the biggest blank in the world. What does OU stand for in Active Directory. The answer, of course, is Orginizational Unit. The only thing that came to my mind was "Organized Users", which is wrong. I knew it was a group and at the top and the domain and all that shit, but I couldn't remember what the actual letters stood for. Then we moved on. Easy stuff. FTP, basic troubleshooting (it was a help desk job), etcetera. Then he asked me a question that should have been the easiest thing in the world. If a user is having a problem with their machine slowing down, what are the steps you would take to try to remedy this? Now, the answer was (and I didn't think of this until literally an hour later) check for Spyware. But since I actually take care of my machine and have taught the others here how to do the same the idea of someone being plagued with spyware just didn't even come to me. Instead I answered to empty the recycle bin, if that doesn't work defrag the machine. Didn't even think "check for programs sucking memory that shouldn't be there." I mean, fuck, how much do I suck as a human being that I can't think of that? Anyways, interview over and the guy seemed to dig me. I go sit and, seemingly, wait for a second interview or something. Chat with some dude. Whatever. My name is called and I'm told "Alright, thanks for coming in. That's all we needed for now and we'll call you." Fuck. Fuck you, lady. Fuck you for just doing your job. On the drive home all I could think about was how much I fucking suck. This job should have been in my pocket, instead I'm an idiot. So after getting home I just wanted to be by myself. I took the car and went to Best Buy, which closes at 9 and not 10, so I couldn't just aimlessly walk around (I got there at 8:3x). I wasted the $20 coupon I had because otherwise I would have lost it, then I considered just driving around aimlessly, but gas costs too much and I DON'T HAVE A JOB. Other things what suck: My cell phone has stopped recieving Text Messages (this is why I haven't answered you). What the fuck is that about? It sends them, it gets and makes calls, it just won't take messages. As this is pretty much the only thing I use my phone for, this is a problem. Who knows what the cure is. I just really, really hate my life right now. Good thing I have sleeping pills and root beer or I'd be fucked.

-- Posted by OtterVomit on Monday, July 10 2006

HAPPY 150th BIRTHDAY TO NIKOLA TESLA Today marks the birth of whome is perhaps one of the most under-appreciated men in all of history: Nikola Tesla. As our nation continues to fellate guys such as Thomas Edison, I have met college grads who have never heard of Nikola Tesla. He was among many things an inventor, physicist, mechanical engineer and electrical engineer and is responsable for many of the day-to-day items we use everyday (most common of which is AC power which runs the world). He is perhaps best known for discovering Alternating Current electricity and in turn designing the massive Niagra Falls generators that power half the continent. Tesla was doing things in the late 1800's that were so far ahead of their time, that there was simply no practical application for them. In 1887 he discoverd X-rays and took a photo of his hand bones, but did not see any practical application for this technology and thus it remained dormant until many years later. From 1893 to 1895, he investigated high frequency alternating currents. This lead him to design tuned circuits, invent a machine for inducing sleep, cordless gas discharge lamps, neon lights, and he transmitted electromagnetic energy without wires, effectively building the first radio transmitter. After his demonstration of wireless communication in 1893 and after being the victor in the "War of Currents" against Thomas Edison, he was widely respected as America's greatest electrical engineer. Later he became credited as being the inventor of the radio, a title formerly held by Marconi. Building upon the discovery of radio signals, he demonstrated a radio controlled boat to the US military, believing that the military would want things such as radio controlled torpedoes. However, the military was too shortsighted to see the potential of this and instead his invention became nothing but a novelty until the 1960's. Next Tesla invented another device ahead of its time called an "electric igniter" or perhapd you know of it by its more common name as "spark plug." Unfortunately in the 1890's there just wasn't much of a market for spark plugs. In 1899 Tesla set up a massive lab in Colorado Springs where he would have room for his high-voltage, high-frequency experiments. At this lab, Tesla proved that the earth was a conductor, and he could produce artificial lightning with discharges consisting of millions of volts, and up to 135 feet long, at will. Tesla also investigated atmospheric electricity, observing lightning signals via his receivers. Reproductions of Tesla's receivers and coherer circuits show an unpredicted level of complexity (e.g., distributed high-Q helical resonators, radio frequency feedback, crude heterodyne effects, and regeneration techniques). One interesting claim by Tesla during this time was that while he was fooling around with his atmospheric equipment, he "recorded" signals of what he believed were extraterrestrial radio signals, though these announcements and his data were rejected by the scientific community. He noted measurements of repetitive signals from his receiver which are substantially different from the signals he had noted from storms and earth noise. Specifically, he later recalled that the signals appeared in groups of one, two, three, and four clicks together. Tesla spent the latter part of his life trying to signal Mars. As crazy as it sounds, he was on the right track. In 1996 Corum and Corum published an analysis of Jovian plasma torus signals which indicate that there was a correspondence between the setting of Mars at Colorado Springs, and the cessation of signals from Jupiter in the summer of 1899 when Tesla was there. In 1900, Tesla began another project which was so ahead of its time, we still have yet to impliment it: the establishment of a wireless power transmission facility that would be known as Wardenclyffe. The Wardenclyffe project was funded by a businessman named James Warden. The facility was to have been a huge tower (essentially a huge Tesla Coil). When the tower was near completion, Warden asked "So where do we install the meter?" meaning how would they charge people for sending electricity wirelessly. Tesla had no answer. He had never considered charging for it. Tesla's vision of free power did not agree with Morgan's worldview. The tower was never completed and was torn down during US wartime for its precious scrap resources. Tesla eventually built the Telefunken Wireless Station in Sayville, Long Island. There he proved that transmission of wireless electricity was possible. Again, however, this acheivement was ignored, and the facility was torn down by US Marines in 1917 because they feared it could be used by German spies. When World War 1 started, Tesla lost the funding he was receiving from his European patents. After the war ended, Tesla began to act very strangely. He started to exhibit pronounced symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder (aka KTIK Syndrome) in the years following. He became obsessed with the number three; he often felt compelled to walk around a block three times before entering a building, demanded a stack of three folded, cloth napkins beside his plate at every meal, etc. The nature of OCD was little understood at the time and no treatments were available, so his symptoms were considered by some to be evidence of partial insanity, and this undoubtedly hurt what was left of his reputation. Insanity couldn't stop Tesla from reaching another groundbreaking invention, however, when in 1917 he discovered radar. Again, this invention would be pretty well ignored until later. In the twenties, Tesla was reportedly negotiating with the United Kingdom government about a ray system. The removal of the Chamberlain government ended those negotiations. It was around this time that Tesla claimed that he had developed what he called a "teleforce" weapon, or death ray. This death ray would "send concentrated beams of particles through the free air, of such tremendous energy that they will bring down a fleet of 10,000 enemy airplanes at a distance of 250 miles from a defending nation's border and will cause armies of millions to drop dead in their tracks", as said in an article at the time. He offered this invention to the US War Department and to several European countries without success. Tesla also claimed that he could "split the Earth in two" if he so desired, claiming that the Earth vibrates on a frequency and one only need to "use a tuning fork at the right pitch" to cause such a catestrophic reaction. Tesla died of heart failure alone in the New Yorker Hotel, some time between the evening of January 5 and the morning of January 8, 1943, at the age of 86. Despite selling his AC electricity patents, Tesla was essentially destitute and died with significant debts. He died impoverished and forgotten. Later that year the US Supreme Court upheld Tesla's patent number 645,576 in effect recognizing him as the inventor of radio, yet many historians and books continue to recognize Marconi as the inventor of radio. Immediately after Tesla's death, the US Government seized all of Tesla's work. It appears that his proposed death ray was related to his research into ball lightning and plasma (which would be most deadly). After the FBI was contacted by the War Department, his papers were declared to be top secret. All of his personal effects were seized on the advice of presidential advisors, and J. Edgar Hoover declared the case "most secret", because of the nature of Tesla's inventions and patents. Because of his endless contributions which even modern science is still struggling to catch up with, Tesla's supporters have dubbed him the man who invented the twentieth century.

Hold That Lion!. -- Posted by BalconyDive on Friday, July 7 2006

I wish Groucho Marx was still alive. Not just Groucho, mind you, all of the Marx Brothers. I just really, really love Groucho and if I had to pick one of them, it would be him. Earlier tonight I was feeling like absolute shit. After taking some sedatives I lay down and started sweating buckets. Then I got these feelings in my extremities that made me feel like I had to move around. Do anything, but move my arms and legs. So to try to alleviate all that I got up and hunted around and, like magic, ended up face to face with my DVD of Horse Feathers. I don't know when the last time I watched Horse Feathers was or why it was sitting in a pile of other DVDs out of their books but there it was. So I rooted around some more and got out A Day at the Races, threw that in the DVD player and watched it. Miraculously about 45 minutes in to the movie I was feeling like $1,000! Awake, yes, but not in pain anymore. Now, the argument over "Greatest Marx Brothers Film" is a long and hard one filled with personal preferances about this and that and sub arguments about the "formula" change they went through and all this other stuff. However, and for the record, I will say that my top 3 Marx Brothers Films are, in order: Duck Soup Animal Crackers A Day at the Races All this black and white hilarity has gotten me a little sad though. Not because the state of current comedies suck in comparison, which they do, but because it reminded me that no one has stepped up and made a definitive Three Stooges collection. There's all these rinky dink discs out there, usually the four public domain shorts, but I want everything. From You Nazty Spy (best two reeler EVER in the history of two reelers) down to that shizz with Curly Joe & Joe Besser. No, I'll never watch the post-Shemp sketches, but I want to own them. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong era, but then I start to remember that had I been born in the long long ago I would have had even more shit to deal with. Totally not worth it.