To file for unemployment, or not to file. That is the question that is present before me. Regal has informed me they would not contest my filing (which is basically them admitting that they fired me on lofty grounds).
Shall I become the leech of society that I have spurned for most of my life? Shall I burden the shame of receiving a check for nothing? Shall I march into a government building and say "Gimme a goddamned check you mohterfuckers" and stand side-by-side with Billy Jo Fuckup and his 8 and 1/2 kids (which is twice the sum of teeth in each of their mouths)?
YES. Yes I shall.
I shall walk into the unemployment office and present myself to some mighty Valkyrie of Bureaucracy, who picks those who are worthy from those who are not, and I will say "PICK ME, OH WENCH OF PUBLIC SERVICE! FOR HAVE I NOT BEEN WRONGED?" And I shall be blessed with the mighty unemployment check! Oh it shall be...
| MWAHAHAHAHAHHA -- Posted by OtterVomit on Tuesday, August 26 2003 | ||||||
Join the greatest Yahoo Fantasy Hockey league ever! Partake in all the shit talking, ridiculous trade offers, 20 MOOSE moves a day, and of course The Reservoir Dogs obligotory 10 injuries per day!! Click!! League ID#: 2897 Password: death MARK MESSIER'S SON COMING OF AGE TECUMSEH, ONT. - Lyon Messier originally laced up hockey skates when he was three and suited up for his first team two years later. "I loved it at once." Hockey was in his blood -- literally. The 15-year-old rookie defenceman with the Western Junior B Hockey League's Tecumseh Chiefs is the son of hockey icon Mark Messier. His father, the heart and soul of the Edmonton Oilers' National Hockey League dynasty, was voted by The Hockey News as the 12th-best player in the history of the game. Currently a free agent, Mark Messier won six Stanley Cup rings and is the only player to captain two different teams (the New York Rangers as well as the Oilers) on title-winning runs. Many sons have followed their fathers to the rink, but other than perhaps Brett Hull, and Mark and Marty Howe, few understand the pressure the six-foot Lyon Messier must bear. Even though he grew up in Fairfax, Va., not exactly a hotbed of hockey knowledge, it didn't take bellicose fans long to figure out who his dad was. They shouldered him with big expectations. "People think you have to be as good as they want you to be," said Lyon. "I've been prepared my whole life for it, so I think I can get along with it." His hockey genes are reflected in his powerful skating stride. "He skates just like his dad," said Lesley Young, Lyon's mother, a sentiment echoed by Chiefs general manager Kevin McIntosh: "You watch Lyon skate, you see Mark Messier." When Lyon stares at you, it's easy to detect the familiar Messier game face: the stern, square-jawed scowl, the piercing stare. When Lyon talks about what matters to him, the words are also Messier-esque. "When I see what my dad is as a hockey player, that's definitely what I want to be," Messier said. "On the ice, a tough guy, a team guy, a captain, a leader." Lyon spent much of the past summer at his father's place in Hilton Head, S.C., preparing for his debut in junior hockey. His dad put him through a strenuous workout regimen and also told him what to expect. Lyon said his dad "stresses with me the value of working out hard, and working just as hard off the ice as you do on the ice and being a team player." Lyon's mom and dad separated years ago, but he sees his father regularly and they phone or e-mail virtually every day. His mother, a former model, successfully filed a paternity suit against Mark Messier in 1988. Lyon's surname was eventually changed from Young to Messier. "He wanted to carry his father's name and it was important to his father as well," Young said. When Lyon was 10, Young again took Messier to court, seeking to increase his monthly child support payments from $1,500 US a month to $10,000, hiring attorney Eleanor Alter, the same lawyer who represented actor Mia Farrow in her custody battle against actor-director Woody Allen. Mark Messier and Young reached an out-of-court settlement. "I love my son very much," Mark Messier said at the time. "I have taken responsibility for him from the time he was born." It was Mark and his father Doug who suggested to Young that Lyon relocate to Michigan, to expose him to a better brand of hockey. They settled in Troy, Mich., and Lyon played last season with Detroit's Little Caesar's minor midget Triple-A club. A serious arm injury sidelined him for five months. Lyon broke bones in his right arm and also tore ligaments. Because of his injury, he was offered the chance to opt out of the Chiefs' fitness tests earlier this week. Instead, he did 52 pushups in one minute and bench-pressed 150 pounds a dozen times. He's definitely Mark Messier's son. That being said, McIntosh is the first to acknowledge that Lyon may not be an instant hit. He has the bloodlines, but lacks the big-time hockey experience of his contemporaries. Messier is also in the middle of a dispute between Hockey Canada and USA Hockey, which prevents American players from competing on Canadian teams. The dispute is expected to be resolved soon, but in the meantime, he will sit out exhibition games this weekend. When Mark Messier jumped from Tier II junior to the World Hockey Association in 1978-79, he scored one goal his first season as a pro. There is an adjustment period, even when you're the son of a superstar. But, said McIntosh, "Being Mark Messier's son, he's a pretty grounded guy. He's got his priorities set. I don't think Mark or his mom are going to let him go very far astray." A draftee of the Ontario Hockey League's Sarnia Sting, Messier's goal is to crack the Sting lineup a year from now. "I'm here to play better hockey, get myself more recognized and ultimately play at a higher level," Lyon said. His mom remembers infant Lyon being instantly mesmerized by the first hockey game he ever saw. "We were watching a game in Edmonton when he was eight months and he was sitting in my lap," Young recalled. "Someone came up and said, 'How do you get him to watch the game like that?' I didn't get him to do anything. He loved hockey that much already.'' BEST WAY TO GET A FAT PAYCHECK - GET FIRED Just received my last check from the prestigous Regal cinemas corporation. I must say I enjoy some of the labor laws in the fine state of Tennessee. You see, it is state law that Regal had to pay me all the vacation pay that I hadn't used. I had a full week of vacation time I hadn't used. This combined with the hours I had already worked translated into quite a large paycheck! I should get canned more often! WELL THAT'S ONE WAY TO EXORCISE SOME DEMONS... An 8-year-old autistic boy died during a weekend prayer service suffocated after a church elder sat on his chest, police said Monday. The Milwaukee County medical examiner's office has ruled the death a homicide. Terrance Cottrell Jr. died Friday night at the Faith Temple Church of the Apostolic Faith on Milwaukee's northwest side. Three women - including Terrance's mother, Patricia Cooper - sat on the boy's arms and legs while Hemphill tried to remove the "evil spirits" from him, said Hemphill's brother, David Hemphill, the pastor of the church where the service took place. Tamara Tolefree of Milwaukee said Monday she held Terrance's leg during the prayer. After at least two other physically intense sessions like the one Friday, Tolefree said, Ray Hemphill decided to devote his entire vacation from his job as a janitor to "getting that spirit out of" the boy, who was also called "Junior."
|
| Oh wow, how could I forget... -- Posted by OtterVomit on Monday, August 25 2003 | ||||
 OBLIGATORY PISSED OFF EX-EMPLOYEE "I'LL HAVE MY REVENGE" RANT Believe it or not, Regal Cinemas actually owns the 3 theatre companies seen above. In 2001, due to wonderful mismanagement, Regal Cinemas went bankrupt (actually they somehow worked themselves into a 2 billion dollar debt) and was bought by billionare Philip Anschutz (sp?). He owned 2 other theatre companies and combined them all into the "Regal Enternainment Group." Long story short, 3 companies became 1. For some reason Mr. Anschutz (who owns the Avalanche so now Balcony can hate him) decided to put the people at Regal in charge of all 3 of his little toys. HOW TO SEE MOVIES AT REGAL, UNITED ARTIST OR EDWARD THEATRES FOR ONLY 5 BUCKS! All REG theatres operate on a policy that if someone has found their way to one of their theatres, they want to do anything they can to not turn that person away. Regal accepts all competitor's coupons/passes/gift certificates. Company policy is to let people in that can produce the approxamate ammount of a ticket with competitor's coupons. Now if you show up with a $5.00 Regal gift certificate, they are going to want you to pay the remainder of the price of the ticket. HOWEVER, if you show up with a $5.00 ticket from, say, Cinemark, they will happily take that, print you out a ticket and let you in. Hell, sometimes I've seen where theatres have let people in who only had $1.00 certificates! Although they aren't supposed to let you in with that, a lot of box office attendants simply don't care. OOPS, I PAID FOR A MOVIE! HOW DO I GET MY MONEY BACK Quit simply, complain. Complain about the tempature, the sound, the picture, the stickyness of the floor, the fact that all Regal Theatres smell like cat piss, anything. Policy is to squelch customer dissatisfaction through any means necessary. Usually this means a full refund. They will ask you to sign a refund slip. If you want to cause the manager problems, refuse. Although, managers are not really bad people. They get shit on quite often to make up for higher-ups mistakes. THE STUFF THEY TOLD US TO IGNORE AT REGAL Oh yes, we were told to stay off these sites... The Shit Box - Regal Sucks NewsPaper article on Regal sucking Another article They keep 3 companies seperate to confuse boycotters... Theatre goers hate Regal What can you expect from Regal? MORE DIRT ON REGAL CINEMAS EDITORS: A fellow ex-Regal Cinemas employee sent me your article ["Exit Interview," Josh Feit, March 9], and I must say that every word of the interview was accurate. The only misdoing your contact could be accused of is incompletion. The situation at the Regal Cinemas where I (and six of my closest friends) was employed was similar, if not worse. We would often sell candy [from] boxes that had been nibbled on by night visitors of the small, furry variety; sell popcorn flavored with the melted plastic handle of a screwdriver; and worked -- as minors -- until midnight on weeknights. Right on! Let the people know! Not a misprint, that's a 2 billion dollar debt! You failures! About half way through the extremely funny "Royal Tenenbaums," Regal Cinemas, fully bankrupt, decided not to pay their power bill. Lo and behold, the power went out, immersing the crowd into panic. After waiting a few minutes, I decided to go see what was going on, so I ventured forth into the main lobby of Regal. It was pure mayhem. People were running around like there was a fire, and they were all screaming. Regal Cinemas, is it the newest theater to jump the shark? -------------------------- Dear Regal, Thanks to you, going to the movies sucks ass nowadays no matter what you're going to see, and it's not just because you have to marry and poison a millionaire, then inherit his fortune in order to afford it. You put us through so much garbage before the movie even starts, even a film junkie like myself would often rather spend 18 months in a North Korean prison than deal with it. The trailers have gotten worse and worse, either giving away so much that it's not worth bothering seeing the movie when it comes out in 15 months, or shamelessly parading the all-time abysmal lows to which the film industry is sinking (Kangaroo Jack, I vomit in your general direction). But just in case the godawful trailers were not offensive enough, you have the audacity to stick commercials before them, those hideous entities from which I used to find sanctuary when I went to your movie theaters, and are now assaulting my eyes and ears even in that most holy of places. I can't decide which are worse: the Diet Coke ads, in which you basically claim that its consumption will result in a utopian society where everyone is self-confident and lives life to the fullest like Charlize Theron tried to get Keanu Reeves to do in Sweet November, until he found out that she had cancer or whatever and was a total hypocrite, and before I shot myself in the face because the movie sucked so bad; or the video game ads, which, besides being loud and irritating, are just ugly and ineffective, because even the most modern video game graphics look ridiculous on the big screen. And that's not even including such beloved classics as Fandango's "You're gonna let me into the picture" guy (a decades-overdue-yet-still-not-any-better replacement for their devastatingly unfunny "There is a wild fandango. Loose! In the theater" guy), who makes me want to cement my eyes and ears closed, and your computer-animated roller coaster that every Regal Cinemas audience is subjected to as one last kick in the nuts before you let you see your movie. Even before the commercials, there are advertisement slides projected onto the screen one after the other. Many of them are poorly designed eyesores for local businesses who cannot be that great if they obviously could not afford to hire a graphic designer with one or more functioning retinas and/or hands. However, most of them are your fault. You rape us with "Movie Quotes," "Movie Trivia," and various other "games" that are so imbecilic and asinine that quite frankly I am on the verge of having a seizure right this second at the very thought. After a few neuron-killing ads go by ("Without advertising, a terrible thing can happen... NOTHING!"), another "Coke Race" slide comes up, depicting each bottle making a certain amount of "progress," accompanied by a headline like, "Sprite takes the lead!" After some more other ads go by, the last "Coke Race" slide comes up, showing that one of the bottles has "won." I'm moving on to the next paragraph because it would be impossible to articulate what a horrid company you run, and attempting to do so would probably result in my being institutionalized, where, with my luck, I will be sodomized daily by the very nimrod who conceived of "Coke Race" in the first place. And "Coke Race" isn't the only fun-filled activity you sadistic folks have put together for our pre-movie enjoyment. No, not even close. You've also murdered our movie-going enjoyment with this "THE TWENTY" bullshit that you have the gaul to literally ask us to "show up early to see." NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THIS!! Oh, by the way, there are also only two "Movie Quotes" and "Movie Trivia" slides, because apparently whoever thought up such brilliant and original concepts could not be bothered to put together any more than that, most likely because they had to get back to work on another installment of the adrenaline-pumping "Coke Race." Maybe you weren't fully aware of these atrocities, Regal. Maybe you're just in charge of making delicious and refreshing beverages, popcorn that sucks up saliva like sponges, as well as ordering 3 year old candies, and it's the ad execs that are to blame here. Well, I can't write them letters because I don't have their home addresses. And if I did have them, I sure as shit wouldn't use them to write letters, I would pay them each a personal visit and engage them in a festive round of "Coke Race" before I shot them in the kneecaps and burned their house down. In any case, it's hard not to blame you. It's your name I see on that screen, and I can't help it. ------------------------------------
|
| Bwahahahaha -- Posted by OtterVomit on Monday, August 25 2003 | ||
 TIME TO LOOK FOR A NEW JOBI was informed Thursday that the braindead myrmidons in the ill-reputed Regal Entertainment Group Human Resources Department had decided "to terminate my employment" but however I held the option to appeal the decision, which I immediatly did so. However, phone calls on my part have revealed that the promised "investigation" into my affairs indeed has not been performed and therefore I have very little hope for reinstatement. Darn. I am applying at a science lab where I would do work that is way over my head, but I bullshit my way through things well (you should see my resume). If I do get this job, expect to hear me utter these lines as I perform weird experiments and such. FOREVER YOUNG Scientists have found for the first time a way to rev up a potent "anti-aging" enzyme in living cells, an advance they said could speed the development of drugs to extend human life span and prevent a wide range of geriatric diseases. It is too soon to say whether the latest findings will ever make the leap from the lab bench to the geriatrics clinic -- though some may choose not to wait: Of all the compounds the researchers tested, the one that boosted the anti-aging enzyme the most was resveratrol, an ingredient in red wine that's been credited with that beverage's ability to lower the risk of heart disease. I don't care what they discover. I will still dance on all your graves. GOD HATES SOCCER AND SO SHOULD YOU A 23-year-old man is dead after being struck by lightning while playing soccer at a park in Fort Myers. The Fort Myers Police Department reports the man was playing soccer at Billy Bowlegs Park when he was struck about 4 p.m. Saturday. He was taken to Lee Memorial Hospital but died of from his injuries. Authorities have not released the man's name. BLACKENSTEIN A black woman who is to undergo a foot amputation was initially offered a white artificial replacement because they were cheaper, a hospital admitted tonight. The unnamed woman from Calcot near Reading, Berkshire, is yet to undergo the operation and health chiefs have now backed down and offered her prosthetics matching her own skin colour after she complained. The Royal Berkshire and Battle Hospitals NHS Trust said only white artificial limbs had been initially made available. A Trust spokeswoman said: "She was originally told she would have to pay more for any other colour, but that has now been resolved." VOMIT BAG Hmmm.. no idea where you got that information that it was "only" 93 degrees there... we had more in Germany, and we were lucky compared to France... In France it was actually close to 104 all the time, and at night not below 77... And believe me... without aircondition 93 and 104 is a big difference. And well, all these degrees were messured in the shadow of courese. Too bad there's not shadow everywhere... It is highly possible that my information was false since my source was the Jim Rome Radio Sports show.
|
| OOPS!! -- Posted by OtterVomit on Monday, August 18 2003 |
Hmmm well it seems that once again my morbid sense of humor has gotten me into trouble. Long time pals will remember years past when a comment on MackandMenthol.com about blowing up the Whitehouse resulted in me being investigated by Uncle Sam. Well once again my dark, demented self has managed to steer my way into trouble. On Friday I was talking to one of the more attractive temps we have working for us at the Regal home office when we started talking about a certain individual that I hate (with good reason, mind you) and I made the statement "I would like to drive a car into his office and watch his insides paint the walls." Apparently prissy little teenage girls do not share my humor because bright and early this morning I was called over to Human Resources where I was informed that I would be investigated, and while that was going on I would be suspended without pay. So I wrote a three page statement detailing what I said, why I said it, and explaining my sense of humor. And then I was told to leave the premises immediatly, which I did with pleasure. So here I am, sitting at home, waiting for them to either realize that I'm harmless or to fire me. Time to start selling crap on Ebay to make up for lost wages I suppose.
|
BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE DONE THIS