THE WORLD MAKES NO SENSEOk, so as I mentioned earlier, my aunt Linda died earlier this week. What I didn't mention was the bizarre colliding of worlds that took place at this event. You see, my parents divorced when I was six years old, 20 years ago. Since that event took place, my mother and father had little to do with each other and as such, had even less to do with their families. In fact, I don't think either of my parents has had ANYTHING to do with the other's family for well over 20 years.
So it came to pass that on Sunday I was at my mother's house working on my car. There I was out in the driveway with the carburetor taken apart, when my mom came out with her keys in hand saying "Do you want to go see Linda?" Now, this was odd for a number of reasons. One, I was very clearly in the middle of an elaborate and complex automotive operation. More than that, my mother has not seen or spoke to Linda in over 25 years, and even then it was only once. So I responded with "Mom, I'm in the middle of something here..." and she hopped in her car and drove off.
About six hours pass and mom hasn't returned which, also, was odd to me. Then Jess pulls up and informs me that Linda has passed away, which explains her long absense. So I jump in the car and travel down to the hospice place where Linda is/was. There was every member of dad's family except dad himself...and then stuck in a corner was mom.
Ok, it was bizarre enough that my mother was very much involved in a major event in the Riggs family, but what came next has completely scrambled my brain. Apparently mom was giving Linda coke into her mouth with a syringe...which Linda's sister now claims is what killed her, even though its pretty obvious she died from one last big stroke. In essence its being said that my mom showed up out of nowhere and killed my aunt Linda. WHAT THE FUCK?!??
This is the most bizarre and fucked up shit. George Costanza put it best "WORLDS ARE COLLIDING" but hell, at least his worlds had some semblence of logic to them...
| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Monday, September 18 2006 | ||||||
 FAMILY REUNION TIMEWell my crazy Aunt Linda - who longtime readers might remember was the woman who accused my uncle of running a white slavery ring before attacking him with a "Klingon knife looking thing" and then proceeded to escepe from the mental ward we put her in - has finally passed on after a series of strokes and heart attacks. This latest death brings the living family member count on my dad's side down to four (including me) and this fiasco is probably the last time we will all be together alive. I suppose I should mention that Linda's insanity was not the only trait she had, nor was it the most interesting. When she was born, the doctors said she wouldn't live past six months. She beat that mark by 60+ years. It was said that she was mentally deficient and shouldn't be able to function in society, but she wasn't having any of that as she carved out a pretty good career as a nurse. When my father was six, she bought him his first magic trick and was the only one in the family who would actually sit and watch as he would perform. In the end, she refused to go quietly. For the last eight months she has been having stroke after stroke and heart attack after heart attack, each time we were told that she wouldn't live another day but then she was back cussing and demanding pizza, ice cream and coke. She absolutely refused to go down without a fight, finally passing the best way anyone could - quietly in her sleep.
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| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Friday, September 8 2006 | ||||
 40 Years of Star Trek Gene Roddenberry’s vision of the future sprang to life on the small screen on September 8, 1966. From the first moments of the opening sequence and the now immortalized words "Space, the final frontier," the world began to change. Roddenberry not only presented us with a vision of the future beyond this planet, he gave us hope that humanity could and would rise above our differences to achieve enlightenment, unity, and peace. Forty years later, these ideals are imbedded in the worldwide mythos known as Star Trek, which is the most influential television show of all time. Trek Birthday Celebrations at: TV.com, StarTrek.com, Ex Astris Scientia, Soul of Star Trek, SyFyPortal, TV Land, The BBC, TV Squad, and MORE! SHATNER TOO SCARED TO GO INTO SPACE As Captain Kirk he vowed to boldly go where no man had gone before, but away from the TV screen actor William Shatner is a little less adventurous - reportedly turning down a real-life space flight because he was too scared. The Star Trek legend was offered a ticket by Richard Branson onboard Virgin Galactic's first flight aboard the VSS Enterprise in 2008. But Shatner, fearing he would be ill in space or the starship would crash, ironically revealed he's terrified of space travel. The 75-year-old actor said: "I'm interested in man's march into the unknown but to vomit in space is not my idea of a good time. Neither is a fiery crash with the vomit hovering over me." Onboard the Starship Enterprise, sci-fi fans saw Shatner freely 'explore the final frontier, seeking out new life and strange new worlds' in 79 episodes of the 40-year-old TV series . However, apart from the Virgin craft being called Enterprise in tribute to the intrepid show, the similarities end there for Shatner as he insists getting him into space will cost Vigin boss Branston a lot more than just a free £114,000 ticket. He added: "I do want to go up but I need guarantees I'll definitely come back." But other celebrities like Alien's Sigourney Weaver are a little more enthusiastic about space travel. She has already booked her place on the two-and-a-half hour flight.
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| He's Dead, Jim. -- Posted by OtterVomit on Monday, September 4 2006 | ||
 SO LONG STEVE IRWINWell if somehow you managed to stumble across this page before hearing about this on one of the 800 billion other websites out there, its my sad duty to inform you that Steve Irwin has died due to a sting ray attack. Apparently the animal stung him in his heart. I know there are going to be a billion internet tributes posted, but I'm going to add mine. As a fellow animal lover, I have to come to have a great respect and admiration for Steve (and his whole family really). His work to improve conditions and treatment of animals was tireless and effective. His great compassion for the animal kingdom made him a hero in my eyes. I remember first discovering Irwin while channel surfing and seeing a guy running in the desert after a venomous snake which he promptly snatched up like it was a twig. I put down the remote and was immediately fascinated. Here was this extremely enthusiastic guy going after crocs, snakes & who knows what else while having a hell of a good time doing it. On the Tonight Show he was climbing the rafters of the studio chasing some sort of animal which had gotten loose. On Conan he was wrestling blow up crocs in a wading pool. He would even parody his own death from time to time. Originally I was under the popular conception that he was some sort of loon who was missing his self-preservation instinct, but after watching him for years I slowly noticed that he got away with the things he did on camera because he knew quite well just how far he could go. He combined his expert knowledge with his infectious enthusiasm flawlessly to create a larger-than-life persona that radiated joy & compassion for all living things. Every time Steve shot off one of those trademark expressions of his like "crikey" "have a look at this!" "gorgeous!" & "you're alright mate" it brought a smile to my face. The world's lost a great showman, as well as a great champion of the animal kingdom. Unlike most celebrity deaths, I actually will miss Steve Irwin.
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| -- Posted by OtterVomit on Saturday, September 2 2006 |
 BACK TO WORKWell months and months of applying for jobs I don't want has finally paid off. On Wednesday I'll shuffle back into an office doing accounting tasks and praying for a fast death. Its interesting because I had resolved myself that if I didn't get this job I was just going to head on back to McDonald's - where, keeping in my backwards ways, I would actually probably feel more comfortable - but I guess that wasn't to be. Anyways, look forward to the return of cranky, pissed-off, uninspired Otter. OLD STUFF STILL GOOD After the closing of MackandMenthol.com, there was a short dark period where I had no domain or anything and me and Balcony drifted around from free-server to free server getting kicked off all of them because I would block their pop-up ads. Anyway, every time this would happen I would lose all the priceless updates. Krazy from Rydas.com then offered to let us use his cgi-script for updating our site which we did. Eventually we got a domain (bible-tales.com) and I set up our own news updater which remains in use to this very day. Anyway, Krazy sent me the archives today of every update ever made from those days and there's all sorts of goodness in there. Blasts from the past include updates from Hak, STLSerialKiller, Vanilla Ice Stole My Gum, TwiztidBytch, Shifty, Aussie Juggalo, Jae, and Krazy's famous update about the dangers of the Taliban 5 days before 9/11. There are also reference to sections of the site long since passed including Balcony's Tree of Woe and "ASK THE ZODIAC" where you could ask the Zodiac Killer for advice. How splendid! CLASSIC KT STIRRING THE POT: 10/01/01|:|TwiztidBytch|:|twiztidbytch@excite.com|:|7:25 pm|:|'Cause I'm Straight Up Petty!....|:||:|1001978718|:|Fear The Wrath Of Violent J!! ***************** "Author Comment EklipZRJ Juggalo Posts: 266 (10/1/01 5:41:49 pm) ************ Reply Edit Del All Let's Not Beat Around Your Moms Bush... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Let's Not Beat Around Your Moms Bush Any Longer... WHAT THE FUCK IS ICP THINKIN?!?!?! I'm sorry but this is whack... ICP lost MADDDDDD fans with Bizzar Bizaar and Lienda and Gay Day and all that. They re-gained those fans when they put out Dark Lotus, and promised to go back to the old wicked ICP with the dreadlocks, and chaos. Now they wanna go and release some BULLSHIT. I dont wanna fuckin hear VIOLENT... J sing... If he's gonna release the damn thing rename it... "Violent J's Weird Side Project" = "Violent J's Sellout Homosexual Attempt At Losing Fans He Just Re-Gained" I'll just go buy some fuckin Cypress Hill and Pearl Jam and play em at the same time... WHACCCK! My opinion..." ********************** I credit myself with being observant and when I noticed this poor opinionated lad feeling as though it were impossible for him to post his opinions on RJ in fear of being fired as a webmaster I felt it was my duty as a considerate human being to help him get his point across to as many people as possible. :) God Bless Me! HAHAHAHAHA-Poor lil fucker wouldn't post it on RJ because VJ might read it and get angry and he was also afraid that JuggaloJoe would fire him. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT! EklipZRJ should grow a set, yes? Yes. *pOoF!*
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